Will Be There

Laling,
talking to you
i find out something.

This feeling of
realisation, that i
am not in your life.

And you seem lost.
Or maybe just busy,
with too many things
going on.

But i have a feeling
that i am not in your life.

I wasn't that devastated.
Its more like, i was,
in awe, but not shocked.
Its more of a
realisation.

That i am not in your life.

Laling,

Did you ever think of me?
Like i do of you for
every second and every minute
of my life.

Did you include me, in anything
that you do, like
i do mine, thinking that
how wonderful it is if
we were together watching this,
or doing this.

I sense that you are
somewhat lost. Do you
know what you want?

Maybe you just need to
be reminded. You just need to
talk to someone of your
dreams. If so, then our
talk just now is a good one
for you, i hope.

Like it did mine.

I have always been
positive in us. That's how
i survive 4 years
with you. But at the same
time, i am practical enough
to prepare myself for
the inevitable.

I can't even say it.

I refuse to. But you got me.

I know already what i
am going to do, if the worst
happen.

I imagine myself living
like Jane Austen. After her
first and only love tumbled,
she lived alone and wrote.

That's what i imagine myself
to do. Oh laling, know that
there won't be anyone else
in my life, than you.

For i can't imagine forcing
myself to live without love.

Love that i feel only
towards you. Unexplainable,
ungovernable, like a riot
in the heart and nothing
to be tamed of.

I can't explain my love
towards you. I can't. It
baffles me too when i realise
that i fell in love with you.

And being in love with you still.

No matter how you treat me.