Lesson

The pain you felt, you have inflicted upon yourself.

Do you know what is pain?

Pain is a feeling you feel inside cause by something.

In my case, the pain is self inflict. I did it to myself.

I have every chance to run away. Be at peace.

I thought that i am ready. Ready for a new beginning.

But five months? Come on.

Give yourself a break. And i mean a break. Rest your turmoil heart. That has been in war with your mind and your values and other factors surrounding you. Trying to force their way to you.

Listen to my heart? Oh gosh!

I thought that i can handle this. The feeling. But i can't. A slightest chance of doubt and i poured down like a drain of tsunami and lost it.

Why am i confident? Why am i not?

Don't force your feelings. Let it be, someone advices.

Then another too came to me, listen to your heart when it speaks.

I dont know what to trust anymore.

What i believe in? What do i believe in?

Can i just let go and let it be?

What about making the most of it so that i have no regrets and i won't be asking What if?

What about to experiencing new things and not saying No to anything?

I just am drain. Am exhausted.

I always needed God and have faith in life. But it seems that in the last 2-3 years i needed Him more than ever. And become more doubtful.

I never think of suicide but i know i have been thinking of running away from this life now countless times.

I am one of those lost souls who are wandering aimlessly in the world without a cause.

Suddenly i feel a little better. Someone just gave me an answer.