Finally...

Finally, i cry just now.

A bit. Briefly, like 10 seconds of crying,
while under the shower.

But, finally, i cry.
Its so difficult to cry, when all you life
you always trained yourself to hold it.

Till now, i still think that crying
is an act of weaknesses.
Although i admit to the fact that
it help releases the misery, and sadness
that contains inside you with it.

So i cry. And the worry-ness, sadness and patient,
has finally turned into anger, mad.
I am so mad!

I try, oh believe me, God i have tried.
Tried to be patient.
Tried to be understanding.
Tried so hard to be what he wants me to be.
Whereas i shouldn't be pretending.
I shouldn't be even thinking of being
someone else.
I should just be me.

Oh what? If i erupted and be angry,
that my value will decrease and he will
leave me?
How stupid that i think of that?
It makes me so insecure and scared that
he even thinks of that.

I mean, i accepted him regardless of all his faults.
And he has many. That i don't really care or worry about
cos i know him. I know what he is capable of.
I know what he can be. I have hope.

Obviously he seems to not share the same aspire as
i am.
Do something wrong and you're out!

Huh, how stupid he can be,
and i don't think i love a stupid man.
I am in love with a smart man.

He is smart. I believe him to be.
So if he were to take light of me,
oh he makes the biggest mistake of his life.

He will regret it if he lose me.
I said if, cos i know he's not stupid.

I can be patient. I can.
It's just that sometimes
it hurts, especially when he does take me
for granted.