When is it Too Much?

I never asked that question to myself.

Question like, when will i stop?

When will i said enough?

When i will give up?

When is it becomes too much?

I was faced with that question today. After all that has happened with me being sick, with me feeling down and sad cos i AM sick; cos that will ruined with the 'plan' to spend time with him on the last two weeks we had together before he went away. With he didnt actually come and see me in the hospital when i was sick, nor did he takes the initiative and asked first about me (and not replying my messages). With him didn't ask how i was during my sickbed and when did i was discharge. And the fact that he did not hold to one of his many promises to accompany me to my best friend's wedding tonight. And when i actually wants to talk and discussed about it and try to set up a time to meet up and still it doesnt work, and i just give in.

I give in to the holy power that says, enough is enough Emmy. Sudahlah tu.

I called him a selfish bastard. Boy, do i feel good. He deserves it. He also deserves pergi jahanam (and not go to hell; less effect). But i am torn between actually messaging him that. Oh no, i just did message him that.

I guess i don't matter enough.

It hurts. But i don't matter to you.

And i have to accept that.